the good thing about not posting any blogs in the past year or so is that nobody reads this shit anymore, so i now truly have a private space to rant incoherently if i want to. Whoo!
i don't want to bother people with my incessant feels, because i know i keep talking about it. It's just... but this story man, it destroys my soul.
i'm in the middle of editing the last few chapters of the story together with my editor and the feels in this story are just so fucking huge. there are tiny moments where i am sitting in the car and suddenly i'm thinking things like 'oh my god, Romain orchestrated the destruction of delgado after all - it was his mail that gave the plans of the Lentagon to Jediah. Joy may have stopped him when he wanted to take the Lentagon and destroy Delgado with his own hands as retribution for what happened to his own birth city... but it's fucking Romain who has the last laugh' and i'm sitting there, driving, and there are just these FEELS that are destroying me, my throat tightening, and i just want to cry - for Romain, but also for Joy who has worked SO FUCKING HARD to not let her visions happen, and in some roundabout way they still fucking happened - she sacrificed so much, but you can't fuck with the future man. it's just... ugh.
and then there's this fucking song, man.
'we can do much better, than you are'
it's basically the end credits to book 3 and it kills me. just fuck me up, arcane roots.
like a punch in the gut. ughhhhh.