A trend I’ve noticed in the past year, is that the burning ambition that I had when I finished my study and had my first two starter’s jobs… has dwindled. What used to be a burning fire and a need to prove myself, is now smoldering embers.

No, work is not the most important thing anymore. Reading back to 2004-2007 I was so focused on work, getting better, trying to get somewhere… and somewhere during this year I just decided… fuck it. Ambition’s all nice and good… but I’m just so much happier now that I have a job that DOESN’T suck out my soul.

I still work, I still work hard at times… and at other days it’s more quiet. But it’s work. Just that. And if I have to choose, I’d ten times rather hang out with the girls in the pub or the sauna, or tag along to the jam sessions of the boys. If I’m at work for a week and I have a concert to go to on Thursday evening - then the latter is what I am focusing on.

I’m not kidding when I say that I want to ENJOY myself, and that’s my new year’s resolution. I want to put some time into getting into shape again and continue the good step I took with fitness and reiki… but partying and smiling are the top of my list. And partying can be cuddling/giggling in bed with Olli or sitting on the couch together by the light of Brenda’s LED candles that she forgot over at our place, or eating sushi or tapas, or singing along at some concert or lying in the grass at a festival or Rock Rock or the park… I don’t care.
I just want to enjoy myself.

I work to live. And I live to enjoy myself.

And here it is, my end of year reflection for 2008! Just as long and wordy and insightful as all the others.
Just for shits and giggles: pay some attention to the things I said at the end of last year, by the way - and then see what’s come of them. Isn’t it funny how new years resolutions are so utterly useless and life always throws you curveballs and what may be true and right at this moment, can be bollocks in six months time?

January - March
We started off 2008 dressed as rockstars and drinking champagne, which might be a bit symbolic for this year. It was a fun party, everyone looked lovely, and we ended the night/started the morning by driving home through thick fog at 6.30am. It was a good start of the first bit of the year that didn’t feel very right for me. Despite a fun time in Brugge with Olli on our retreat weekend, I was quickly growing disillusioned by work and all of its awful politics and was struggling to make ends meet time-wise because of the increasing workload of my study. Affairs and lies and drama galore at work, and at the end of March I decided that it was time to change things. I started sending out job applications. Also, Olli and I were starting to think about buying a house in Den Haag area, and Olli and the boys started a band, which they loved fiercely.
To distract myself from winter and work ickiness, I thought up the Rock Rock concept, and got everyone enthusiastic about it.

April
April started off very cold. Of course this happened to be the week that I was spending in a tent in the Ardennes on a communications training. I was an intern with the communication trainers there, they taught Uni students about the values of communications, conversation techniques, and working together. All this in falling snow and freezing cold, which was a bundle of fun in that not really kind of way. In hindsight I’m glad I did it, the students were amazing – but the trainers team sucked and the weather as well – so I won’t do it again. But I do have those laughs with the students to look back upon, the laughter fit I had when I realized it had snowed in the night, as well as those hours sitting in a deserted forest listening to blaring loud In Flames, so I’m glad I did it.
Afterwards, all things except work turned for the better quickly. Not only weather-wise, but for me as well. I was finishing up the last bit of my study (which was a LOT of hard work), was going to job interviews, but I had a lot of fun with friends. The Fantasy Fair was brilliant, we watched the last show of the 10 dB’s which was hilarious, we went to the Parkway Drive gig… and most of all, Olli and I found a house in Leidschendam that we started bidding upon.

May
May started off with our own impromptu festival on a camping in Ommen: Rock Rock! We had a great time. The days were sun-laden and the nights were frigging cold, but we had a good time just sitting around the campsite, listening to music and talking and laughing. Just goes to figure that you don’t need a great lineup to have a good festival feeling anyway. I really hope we can make this into a tradition; that first festival of the year is a really good feeling.
Right after, though, limbo started. My job interviews were not getting back news, and neither was the house in Leidschendam. One frustration-filled week later, it turned out that both had fallen through and it was back to the drawing board for us. And I wanted to get out of my job so badly. Where it came to houses, we did find another house that we thought was awesome, but it was kind of expensive, so we kept looking.
I spent the rest of May working frantically on my portfolio so I could finish off my study and get my degree. Just before May ended, I turned in my portfolio, it was approved, and then there was the beautiful wedding of Wendy and Arno… which was so full of warmth and happiness that I completely recharged for a while there.

June
June was maybe one of the best months of the year. I graduated my study and obtained my post-bachelor’s degree as Trainer & Teamcoach, I got ridiculously drunk (and hungover) at the Popomeet in Alkmaar – and that was already a great start of the month. There was another job interview at this company in Leiden that was really promising, too. The only shitty thing that month was that I got my wisdom teeth removed and I had a sore face all week. And smiling hurt. That was SO depressing – to ache every time you smiled.
But then everything came together; I had my second interview in Leiden and an offer pretty much in the pocket, the pain in my mouth went away, the sun was shining… and I quit my job. And suddenly I felt like I could take on the world. Also, my boss was happy to let me go quickly, so I could finish up the month and then I suddenly had a month off until I started at the new job in Leiden. Also, we bought ourselves Tangy, which was awesome.
But first… first there was Graspop Metal Meeting, where I partied my ass off with friends. Sun-laden, beer-filled, music-filled fun. Is there anything better than that? Soilwork and Sabaton rocked my socks off, In Flames was a lot of fun, Iron Maiden was impressive, there was fireworks and laughs – it was all great.

July - August
Because I had the month off, it pretty much rained for the first bit of it. I didn’t mind too much. I spent a lot of time recuperating, gaming, and going out for drinks and tapas (there were lots of tapas) with nice people. The most important thing though was that Olli and I decided to start bidding on the expensive house in Nootdorp anyway, and we bought it. We won’t be able to get the key until March or something, but it was still a huge thing. And the house is SO beautiful. <3
In the last week of July the weather suddenly turned gorgeous, so I went to the beach with Lie and Bren, and then it was already time for our birthdays – for which we had a good party. On Olli’s birthday we had a power outage though, which lasted until late August. We took that as a sign to start redecorating soon, which we did.
But first there was the new job, which started off very pleasant but hellishly busy. It was a hell of a relief after the drama-fest of a job I had left behind me… just WORK, with all its ups and downs and smiles and frustrations. For now it’s good enough, but the relief of it had me dizzy with happiness for weeks on end.
It was only two weeks, though – because I had two weeks off in August for going to Lowlands – which was BRILLIANT with good music, fun, the most perfect festival weather I’ve ever had, playing bongo’s, hanging out with Lie and Olli, blowing bubbles in the sunshine and oh did I mention the perfect Editors gig already?!) - and going to England. First Olli and I played the tourist in London, which was a lot of fun, and then we hung out with the nice Euromeet people in Towchester.

September - October
I was busy with my new job, and at home we were very busy redecorating the computer room in our apartment. Wallpapering, painting, the works. Our house looked like a bomb had gone off because of it, but in the end it was definitely worth it. There was more constructive stuff that I did; I resolved to finally finish off my story Shards, preferably before November & Nanowrimo. Which I did; I wrote over 40K in a month and a half and wrote some heartbreaking stuff that I’m still happy with. It needs some edits, but it was very satisfying to write.
Brenda, Wendy and I hung out a lot together, we discovered the sauna in the Hague that was more than decent and a beautiful way to spend a free Friday afternoon. There were also lunches and laughs and hanging out with Lie and some fun concerts (Scars on Broadway and In Flames).

November
This might very well be the first time in seven years that music was more important than writing in November. Because for me, this year’s Nanowrimo kind of didn’t do it for me. I wrote my 50K, but the last 15K were the equivalent of pulling teeth. It’s because I already wrote Shards of course – and it turns out that I had just way more emotional investment in that story, which made Frostbite one hell of a letdown. I might finish the story one day because it does have potential, just not now.
Thankfully though, there was more than enough music highpoints to make this month one made of rockage. First there was the Soilwork gig which I’ve lamented before, but OMG that just completely blew my mind. I have never partied harder during a gig, I think. Then there was Slipknot, which was brilliant as well (Corey <3), and we finished off the month with Rodrigo Y Gabriela and a good night out.
Of course, there was also the reiki initiation, which was very interesting and wonderful as well. I’m glad I shared it with Wendy, it was really special. I should update my list of coincedences, btw. Because I have a few more to add to the list which make me wonder if I should really believe in this.

December
And December was mostly winding down, looking back. A heavy flu, a cool Flogging Molly show, but mostly just working and looking back on the year… and somewhere down the line I decided fuckit, I want to have fun. No use wondering how things could be when you have the opportunity to experience them, right?

That’s basically the thought of this year. The first bit of it utterly sucked… looking back on the whole work situation I’m surprised how long I managed to hold on in that toxic environment. I’m so glad that I now have something that doesn’t suck out my soul AND earns me reasonable money. But oh, the music, the laughs, hanging out with the boys in the jamplace and with the girls in the sauna… the shitloads of tapas I’ve had, the cocktails, the sushi. The Popmundo meets, new friends. Somewhere a switch was flipped, and I suddenly had a brilliant time. So no, I’m not going to lament on the first part of the year which was made of suckage. I’m going to focus on how we managed to change it all around by getting a new job, a new house, on music indulgence and writing out my heart story this year, which was Shards… and on giving love to those around me… how easy it is, in the end, to love.

It was like an awakening. So yeah, this year’s End of Year song is called “As The Sleeper Awakes”, it’s by Soilwork, and I’m going to thoroughly enjoy it when we play it on New Year’s Eve.

And for next year, I expect many more indulgences and new experiences. Because that’s what life is for.

Signed up three students today. Not bad, for six hours of work. Normally I have like one (or sometimes two) in a whole day.

When it rains sign-ups, it pours…

Looks like I’ll be avoiding stairs for a few days… the back of my thighs (my hamstrings) are very unhappy if I do any descending or ascending. Damn you bodypump fitness lessons! *shakes fist* Ouchie!

As time passes, I tell myself that I probably made it better in my memory than it really is. I tend to do that, embellish memories positively. It makes for a happier outlook on life and the past, but it’s something I have to watch out for.
So I tell myself - I probably remember it better than it is.

But no, in this case, Sworn To A Great Divide is still a fucking incredible album. It is made of awesome - the vocals, the drums (!!), the guitar riffs, the lyrics (who are part symbolic, part incomprehensible)… the ENERGY of that album just keeps me going, gets me smiling… grinning, even. Here I am, standing in the middle of a fitness hall, exercising my ass off and sweating bucketloads, but I’m grinning like an idiot, because The Pittsburgh Syndrome has the single most awesome drums I’ve ever heard, and I’m trying to match the pace of the song. Or I smile at the lyrics of As The Sleeper Awakes. Or I catch myself as I want to sing along with Exile or 20 More Miles. Need I go on?

(having said that - Song Of The Damned is giving As The Sleeper Awakes a SERIOUS run for its money where it comes to End of Year songs. That so why are we trusting those cynical souls sequence is just too pretty)

Anyway, Soilwork is love. <3

In the light of not wondering about things and just getting off your ass and DO them, even though they might seem scary, a couple of us have decided to actually go and do the Nieuwjaarsduik (New Year’s Dive) on the 1st of January. For the ones among you who are dutch and have lived under a rock for the past thirty years, or the foreigners who happen to read my blog, this is the big idea: …there isn’t any. At some point a long time ago, some (probably very drunk) people thought it would be awesome to start off the new year by taking a dip in the Noordzee. You know, to sober up, probably. Anyway, it probably wasn’t very awesome, but somehow it became tradition. For me it’s just one of those thing I’ve always wondered about, how it would be. The other thought I have about it is ‘fucking idiots’, but hey, who gives a damn? It’ll be hilarious.

So with a couple of people we decided just what the hell, and after our new year’s party we’re planning to go for the Nieuwjaarsduik. It’s in Scheveningen anyway, we thought. And we’d be in Rijswijk, it’s a tram’s ride away.I just looked up how cold the water usually is in Scheveningen in January, and it’s usually about 5-9 degrees centigrade. Usually around 7C. Which is the equivalent of the cold bath you have after sitting in the sauna. So I think I can do this, and so can everybody else. It’s going to be freaking cold, it’s going to be a very bad idea, but OMG it’ll be awesome

But now I’m checking the website and they’re talking about only 10K people, buying tickets, having to be there early or it’s sold out… etcetc.

It kind of takes the spontaneity out of it, for me. I’d be okay with going to Kijkduin or a little further along the beach in Scheveningen for a dip as well. As long as we have our own blankets and hot tea (and camera’s) - that’d be enough for me. What about you guys?

It’s the shortest day of the year.

From tomorrow on, the days will get longer again

Because of plumwine and cider on Friday night, I spent most of Saturday lazing about or sleeping. Stupid hangover. It was worth it though, we had a great time on Friday. First I thoroughly cleaned the kitchen (you can’t believe how overdue that was) and then I went shopping with Bren in the Hague. I bought a few Christmas presents for Olli (which I couldn’t resist giving to him on Saturday night, he loved them!), a new vest and new hairdye… and then we went to the Fiddler for beer (Bren) and cider (me). By the time we’d downed two pints Olli and Wendy joined us and we went to the Oni for a sushi-palooza. It was as yummy as last time, and we had lots of talks and laughs.

These only continued after dinner in the Fiddler, where we had more booze. We were in bed way too late, but Olli and I talked the night through with a few very intense and beautiful heart-to-hearts and we went to sleep at seven or something. I woke up with a bloody hangover, unfortunately, so Saturday kind of blew. We had good pasta for dinner and cuddled on the couch while watching bad movies like The Polar Express and Herbie: Fully Loaded. We also watched V for Vendetta, which wasn’t bad either this time. God I love that movie.

Today, however, is laundry day. Laundrypalooza, as Olli and I are calling it, will continue. For real this time.

1) Where did you begin 2008?
in the livingroom of the apartment of Derek and Sanne, in Amsterdam. Dressed up like a rockstar and drinking champagne with friends.

2) What was your status by Valentine’s Day?
Married

3) Were you in school (anytime this year)?
Yes, I did (& successfully finished) a post-bachelor’s course in Training and Teamcoaching. Go me!

4) How did you earn your money?
By working

5) Did you have to go to the hospital?
Yes, to have my wisdom teeth removed

6) Did you have any encounters with the police?
No

7) Where did you go on vacation?
Brugge/Brugues, Belgium
Thilay, North France (not really a vacation, more like a working trip)
Ommen, the Netherlands (for Rock Rock festival :D)
London, England

And of course to Dessel, Belgium - for Graspop Metal Meeting. And not to mention Biddinghuizen, The Netherlands, for Lowlands festival.

What did you purchase that was over $1000?
Tangy, our Skoda Fabia :), and our new house

9) Did you know anybody who got married?
Wendy and Arno, and such a pretty day it was

10) Did you know anybody who passed away?
Not personally, I’ve heard of people though.

12) Did you move anywhere?
No

13) What concerts/shows did you go to?
Parkway Drive @ Melkweg, Amsterdam
Graspop Metal Meeting @ Dessel, Belgium
(notably: Soilwork, In Flames, Apocalyptica)
Lowlands Festival @ Biddinghuizen
(notably: Killswitch Engage, the Wombats, Korpiklaani, Editors)
Scars on Broadway @ Melkweg Amsterdam
In Flames @ 013, Tilburg
Soilwork @ Melkweg Amsterdam
Slipknot @ HMH, Amsterdam
Rodrigo Y Gabriela @ Paradiso, Amsterdam
Flogging Molly @ Melkweg, Amsterdam

14) Where do you live now?
Rijswijk - near the Hague in the Netherlands

15) Describe your birthday
We celebrated it a few days earlier, on a swelteringly warm evening in our apartment. We had booze and laughs, and we ended the night with me (surprisingly) owning everyone’s ass at Guitar Hero
On the day itself we went to hang out with Tijs and Kat in Haarlem.

16) What have you done in 2008 that you’ve never done before in your life?
Got my tattoo re-inked
Camping in the snow
Wild water rafting
Driving through that bend in the A7 at Purmerend with 140kmpu
Obtaining a post-Bachelor’s degree
Got wisdom teeth removed
Bought a brand new car
Bought a house (!)
Obtaining my Reiki 1 certificate

…hey, that’s quite a few awesome new achievement points right there

17) What has been your favorite moment?
The Soilwork concert in November. I was so smashed/drunk that I loved everything, bounced around in a moshpit, walked around with tinnitus for two days because of it, got my boobs signed by the singer (teehee!), and the concert was made of awesome.It was just a great night.

18) What’s something you learned about yourself?
- that I love my fuckit attitude sometimes. Not caring what other people think and just going with the flow… It’s liberating
Some of the best moments in the year were because of that attitude.

19) What lessons in life did 2008 teach you?
To just DO things, and not let chances pass you by so you’ll always wonder how it would have been. What good is it to wonder, when you can experience?

20) Any new additions to your family?
Only if you count the Popmundo kids

21) What was your best month?
August. Start of a new job, Lowlands, London.

22) What music will you remember 2007 by?
Soilwork and Editors.

23) Who has been your best drinking buddy?
As last year, this title is shared with Olli and Brenda. We’re the hardcore concert goer gang, and somehow that is combined with drinking. I wonder why

24) Made new friends?
Nathalie - through Popmundo

25) Favorite Night out?
the night at Lowlands with Lie and Olli - watching first Underworld, completely rocking out, then playing with the bongo’s with Jos, and then rocking out even MORE at the Alpha DJ’s.
But the Soilwork gig is a very good second.

26) Will you end this year with the same mate you started it with?
I hope so, haha

27) What are your plans for Christmas?
chilling out, eating food, visit the parents & inlaws.

28) What are your plans and hopes for 2009?
Doing things I like with people I love, having a great time. Is there ever anything else? If we go for clearly outlined plans, then the move into our new house is the biggest/most ambitious thing we’ve planned… the rest is all centered around HAVING FUN.

So now it’s time for the 2008 AWARDS

Song of the Year:
Soilwork - “As The Sleeper Awakes”
Why? Because of biking through Den Haag at 7.30 in the morning. Because of the riff at the end. And because it’s how I feel about 2008. There was this turnaround at the middle of the year, when I quit my job… and it’s not all the jobquitting, but there was a switch that was flipped, that I realized that I should fucking ENJOY myself, I’ve got only one life to live. And so I did. Like the lyrics say: “What if tomorrow was taken away from me”?

Runner up songs of the year:
Editors - “Escape The Nest” - so gorgeous, misty eyes at the concert, deep feelings stirring inside, touching my heart. Those blue lights. And walking out, feeling so in love with the world. It was such a perfect concert.
Air Traffic - “Shooting Star” - because it does everything RIGHT. And it really conveys what love means for me. I understand this lyricwriter, he and I agree on what love is.
In Flames - “The Chosen Pessimist” - seriously. Go sit in a deserted French forest on a grey and fucking cold day in April for four hours while listening to this song and then tell me that this song isn’t brilliant. If you do, then you have no pulse. Or no taste. Possibly both.

Band of the Year:
Soilwork. …duh?

Album of the Year:
Slipknot - All Hope Is Gone
because it rocked really, really hard.

Movie of the Year:
“The Dark Knight”, hands down. Heath Ledger totally deserves an oscar.

Festival of the Year:
Wow, that really sucks to choose. Graspop and Lowlands were brilliant for completely different reasons. Graspop had the better concerts and a more cohesive group, but at Lowlands I partied harder.

Festival Concert of the Year:
Editors @ Lowlands 2008
I stumbled out of that concert with misty eyes, and so completely in love with the world. It was PERFECT, everything I’d always wanted to see from them, and it was everything I needed. No points to improve upon at all. I would have liked to see them play “The Weight Of The World”, but as it was, it was completely okay.

non-Festival Concert of the Year:
Soilwork @ Melkweg Amsterdam. Because that one was REVOLUTIONARY. One other concert ever has ever made me feel that way: despite the horrid soundsettings, I didn’t give a fuck and threw myself into a moshpit, joining in without a care in the world. <3 Also, I got the singer to autograph my boobs. You have to be REALLY awesome to get me to that point.

Musical Disappointment of the Year:
there wasn’t any <3

Best TV Series of the Year:
Lost. Season four rocked my world. I fell in love with Terminator: SCC as well, and BSG had a really good run this year - but Lost was consistently the best series.