I don’t write that much romance in my stories, I’ve realized. Hardly ever do I have a boy-meets-girl-and-they-fall-in-love storyline. The storylines in this story either deal with an established relationship, or with no relationship at all. I’m usually perfectly happy to let my characters co-exist without falling in love. Thinking back, the only times I’ve gone for that spiel recently, was the Joy/Seamon pairing in Through Crystal in 2006. One could argue for Kayley and Jenni in 2004, but there was something fundamentally wrong with THAT relationship, so let’s not go there

And it makes sense I suppose: you write about what you know and about what you fear. And I know established love, I fear losing it. So in my stories there’s already the relationship, usually. It’s never easy, though… love isn’t easy. There’s no true wuv forever like movies and books have us believe. I’d die for Olli, and our relationship is the most beautiful thing in the world I know… but it’s LIFE. Nothing is ever easy. Nothing can be taken for granted.

I noticed that very clearly when I wrote Shards with Joy and Seamon - dealing with their aftermath of their adventure in Through Crystal. Yes, they’d fallen in love back then. But their love wasn’t easy, because they weren’t easy people. Never mind their situation. There was bound to be friction, and that was so logical to me. Writing them was the realization of the true wuv 4eva that didn’t exist - they had to work for their relationship, accept that they weren’t perfect for each other… accept that, get over it, deal with it and move on together. For a while I thought they didn’t, but thankfully they did. It felt like a damn relief

And I felt this so bloody keenly when I was writing out that short Fortress/Forsaken story about Lannie and Walter. That might very well be the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever written, and nobody understands how painful it is but me, because I understand their relationship - the love they have and the curveball life’s thrown them, and how they deal with it, losing each other because of it. It’s half what I know, it’s half what I fear. And if there’s a heartstory, there’s one for you right there. No wonder I’ve kept returning to that couple since I gave Bren the premise for their story somewhere way the hell back in 2006. No wonder I had to write Walter in my 2007 Nanowrimo story Forsaken. To me, his story’s even more important than Dani’s - who was the main character.

Just my thoughts on romance the stories I tell, and some musings on where I stand in life. I love Olli, I love my relationship and my life with him. But love isn’t easy. If it was easy, everyone would do it, right?
Still, it doesn’t mean that the lyrics below aren’t love, either.

It is as if you’ve come along too soon
and I’m trying to fit you in
but I can’t seem to follow

You’re a cutie if it all falls through
We can piece it back together
I can learn to trust you too

You’re just too good to lose
and I can’t refuse
so don’t make me choose
between the two
I’m fed up in here
in my atmosphere
Don’t you know who you are
You’re my shooting star

50,266 — I did it!

On day fucking 27, but I really did it.
Good thing that it’s quiet at work today. <3 <3

Nanowrimo 2008, and I’ve just become a sevenfold winner. I’ve owned Nanowrimo’s challenge once again, and this one was the hardest yet. But I did it!! Yay!
*breaks out the champagne*

GodDAMMIT! Here I was, writing 1800 words in an hour and reaching 50K according to Openoffice…

…and then I go to validate on the Nano website and the fucking thing only gives me 49,229 words.
You know… fuck that shit. I’m going to bed, I’ll do the rest later

Still writing, don’t worry. I am going to make that 50K before November 30 (and preferably tomorrow, it’s really close now…) it’s just that I write bits and pieces every day… where I used to crank out 3K on an evening, it’s now been reduced to half of that. But at least it’s something, and the story’s still progressing.

You can find it here!

So I’ve been plotting today. And even though it still didn’t ignite a fiery love for my story, it did dawn on me that if I would have known this course of events earlier, then this story would have been a lot more fun to tell.
I am NEVER going to do it this way again. *nods*

In the light of taking better care of myself, I’ve signed up with a fitness school that’s right next door to my work. The good thing about it is that my work is subsidizing fitness, so I only pay E20 a month for as much fitnessy goodness I like. I have my introduction lesson on the 2nd of December, so Olli and I ventured out to shop for sports clothes today. Mission accomplished! I have new sweatpants, a sports bra, and new sneakers. I’m all ready to rumble! I’m pretty excited about it, too, even though I know I’ll probably have lots of issues with keeping myself on track and muscle aches and stuff. I just have to do something about my blubber ass & belly, it’s getting to the point again that I don’t feel right in my own clothes, and nothing looks good on me anymore. So it’s time to get to business. I remember how good I felt about my stomach muscles in 2002; and I want to get back to that again.

In other news, I’m completely demotivated for Nano, and I don’t really know what to do about it. I just hit this great big wall that says NO IDEAS and I’m beating my head bloody on it. I have no plot, and I hate it. My characters aren’t very sympathetic either, and I am still not close enough to them that they make their own decisions. My writing’s been poor the past 10K as well. I have no idea what’s come over me.
Maybe I really did burn myself out on Shards.

Anyway, everyone with plot ideas is more than welcome.

11.30PM, 40K is reached. I’ve uploaded the rest as well, because this chapterpiece ends on a nice & omnious note

9.30PM, Chapter 8 is done. In which Remy blogs, Kalinka rambles, Jamie makes dinner, and Kaya freaks. Bigtime. Wordcount so far: 38352

You can find what I’ve written HERE.

And go Bren, that 50K is totally yours!! *waves with pompons*

9.30PM and another 1000 words while I was waiting until I could rinse out hairdye I’ll put them up when I’ve got the chapter done, or  a good ending point for this thing. Because right now it’s 2K of getting to know Kalinka.

7.30PM: I have more & more love for Write Or Die. That running timer is doing wonders for my output. It really forces me to produce and keep producing. I just wrote 1000 words in 20 minutes. Awesome. I’m going to share it with you here, btw… as soon as the chapter is done. For now, just know that I’m the proud owner of 35058 words written in my nanowrimo file

4PM: Chapter seven is done. It’s a sad one though… and it brings me to 33877. The Write Or Die website helps me a lot, it really forces me to produce. Also, I have a bit of plot again, so for a little while longer, I know where I’m going.

1PM: For your enjoyment, this is chapter six of which I wrote the most yesterday, up till 29.5K. I did 1K today so far, but there’ll be more forthcoming. For now, here’s chapter six. In which stuff happens that was unplanned, because from here on I have no plot anymore
Wordcount: 30603

You can read what I’ve written HERE!

I wouldn’t call myself bi-lingual, because of the horrid accent that I’ve got when attempting to speak English; but I do write in two languages. I usually write in English when I’m novelling, because English is just so much more precise in its expressions. There are so many words that say so perfectly what you’re meaning to say, while Dutch uses more words to try and say the same. And often it doesn’t really do justice to what you’re trying to say. This is why English is such a perfect language for poetry and song lyrics, I think.

It happens, every once so often, that I struggle when writing in English… because there’s this perfect expression in Dutch, and I can’t use it. Imagine two survivors (in this case their names are Jamie and Kalinka) of a bombed city sitting in a car, looking over the ravaged city.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen the city so dark,” Kalinka said. “Granted, I haven’t been here for five years, but the way I remember the city is always full of light and life. To see it like this is just so strange and terrifying.”

“This is your first time back in five years?” That took him aback. “What a bad moment to return.”

Kalinka leaned back in her chair and rubbed her hands together for warmth. “No kidding.”

And you know, if I would have written this in dutch, I would have let Kalinka say: “Breek me de bek niet open.” because that conveys her emotions that she’s going through so much more precisely. And the stupid thing is that there isn’t really a great translation for it in English. Not the one that I was looking for.

It doesn’t happen that often, but sometimes Dutch *can* be more eloquent.
I just wanted to chronicle the moment, because it’s so rare.

Everything is coming together in this chapter. Three plotthreads are entwining, and that makes me a happy Lannie. Also, I did nearly 4K today, despite not being extremely motivated or anything. I’m not having the best of days today… the lack of sunlight is really getting to me lately. But I wrote anyhow, and more than I thought I would. My goal was initially only 25K, but I was able to finish the chapter on a satisfying note.
I hope the Kaya/Evie thing came out alright.

For your convenience, I’m posting the whole of chapter 5. We were only like 300 words into it anyway.

You can find it HERE.