You see, it’s 22 March today. In an uncharacteristically romantic move by my person, Olli was surprised by a delivery of a bunch of fourteen dark red roses today. Fourteen roses, for fourteen years since that first snog outside of the Troll disco in Hoorn on that March evening.

I don’t do sweet stuff for you often enough, sometimes I think that I’m the guy in our relationship… guess I’m just not much of a romantic soul. But this one’s for you. I love you sweetie!

Turns out I have a knack for this stuff. And it all kind of felt familiar, and logical, and like coming home. All you have to do is love everyone, and that’s what I’m doing anyway.

So, who wants some reiki energy? I got it all for free for you, all I do is pass it through, everyone deserves it. Each and every one of you

What was that song again?

I am your friend
I love you now
And love does not end?

It’s true.

Winter
The new year started with champagne in our old apartment in Rijswijk. We had a great time at the party. There was too much champagne; but we had a shitload of fun hanging out on the street and getting smashed and taking pictures. There was fireworks too, but I can’t really remember the fireworks to be honest. The hangover wasn’t too spectacular, fortunately, we just hung out and blearily watched TV. But then a couple of days later our ten year old bunny Bako suddenly took a turn for the worse and would just sleep all day. He passed away on 4 January. Olli and I had him buried in the garden of Olli’s parents in Hoorn, because we would be leaving Rijswijk and we didn’t have a garden of our own. We thought he’d be safer there. Work was insanely busy with one colleague on vacation and the other being sick, the whole three-person-workload fell on me. Looking back I was the happiest in my job at N in January, when I had to run around and scramble to make ends meet on my lonesome. (That’s not a good sign, is it?) And something else happened as well… we couldn’t stand to see Bako’s empty bunny cage, so we picked up another bunny we saw in the store the other day. Enter Charlie; the little fuzzball that’s currently driving us to drink by climbing on every surface that we own.
The rest of the winter was spent with going to several concerts (Sabaton, All That Remains, Enter Shikari, Dragonforce), the decision to start to learn how to play the bass guitar at some point this year, and then it was time to clean up the house, pack up and get ready to go! On 2 March we received the keys to our castle. It was a day of mixed emotions. I was shaking like a leaf when I realized how HUGE this was, and how AWESOME… and then we actually entered the house and realized how frigging much we still had to do about the house before we could actually move in. It was a mammoth task to get our house in working order, especially since we still had to combine it with work, but eventually we managed. No thanks to Olli. Love you babe! We moved out on 28 March, with help from our sweet friends, and then suddenly we were Nuttyville residents.

Spring
It was insane how violently the weather took a turn for the better. Once we’d moved into our new house, it was suddenly as if spring was attacking the Netherlands in full force. While settling into the new house, I became a bit disillusioned with my job. (Again, you’d say. :S) I did not realize this at this point, and just buried myself in Popmundo (which was full of drama), got sick with the flu, and got the scare of a lifetime when Olli passed out with flu at the top of the stairs and fell down. (he has a cool scar on his elbow now). And then there was the news about Lie and Sjoerd at the end of April. Say what you want, but even though when you think things might not be all peachy, it’s still one hell of a shock when it happens. And it broke my heart a little as well. We tried to support Lie as much as we could by dragging her along to pretty much every social gathering we could think of like the Fantasy Fair and Rock Rock. I dyed my hair red again, but it turned out pinkish, so from that moment on I’ve done more brownish/red/amber haircolour tones.
Olli and I finished up our decoration of the livingroom, which I’m still terribly pleased with. The work situation did not improve, and whatever malcontent I had escalated in full-on escapism. Popo was a lot of fun in those days, since Steph and I were in the middle of a RP that took the better part of two months to evolve. Still, work sucked. I felt like I was found wanting, despite not being all that bad at my job. Colleagues who look down on you are not fun, and it was giving me a hard time. I started looking out for other jobs, and it didn’t really come as a surprise when my contract wasn’t extended. I felt like a failure and dreaded having to start over again, although secretly I knew it was for the best. When something doesn’t work, it’s best just to end it, right?

Summer
Thankfully there was Graspop to take my mind off things! It was badly needed, too, because I slept like ass and walked around wondering where the hell my brains went. Deep down inside I was really stressed out about finding a new job, and while I applied like a mofo, it took me way too long to find jobs that I actually found interesting. Thank whatever’s up there, I found the GS job a mere two weeks after the news about the end of my contract came. I was invited to interview really quickly, but all in all the three weeks in which I interviewed and waited for the news to arrive, I felt like a zombie. So it was a blessing that Graspop was there! One of the best festivals I’ve ever been to, atmosphere wise. Also had a great time at Slipknot and Trivium especially, but the group in itself was also brilliant. And on July 15 I got my contract offer by GS and it was brilliant! They also wanted me to start on 25 August, after Lowlands, and because my contract ended on 24 July, that meant that I had a month of holiday!
I planned to do things about the house, but of course I ended up hanging out with friends, going to the beach, having a great BBQ party, reading, lazing in the sun, and buying my bass guitar. There are worse ways to spend a summer, I suppose. We ended summer (or at least, that’s the way I feel it, since afterwards I started my new job) with that other big festival: Lowlands. And while Lowlands was a lot of fun in that festival kind of way, I do think I’m done with Lowlands for a while. Despite the fact that it was fun to see Jos again and the Prodigy blew my fucking mind, the shite beer and the even worse logistics on the way home ruined it a bit for me. Especially since Lowlands didn’t seem that much different from last year. So I think this year we’re going for another festival again. Probably Graspop; but we’ll see how it goes.

Autumn
On 25 August I started my new job. Whoo! It started out quietly with trying to get to know the product and the organisation, but it was fun enough. From there on I got my own clients that I needed to work for, and the work became challenging. For the first time I found myself even working in the evenings; just to get those management essays done. But I got B as a client, and S was happy with us so far, so the projects started in full force and I learned shitloads about project management and training, exactly what I hoped for. Progression instead of stagnation, wonderful stuff.  My boss gave me lots of good coaching and advice, and I can’t remember when was the last time I actually learned something at work before this. So I definitely think I made the right choice applying at GS for a job. In September I also started to learn something else: bass guitar. I got a gorgeous red bass guitar for my birthday (Olli <3) that I called Rebel, and my lessons started at the Drumschool in Voorburg. I’m still not very good at it, I should practice more, but I’m having a lot of fun with it!
Popmundo was terribly busy too, because Rebel Justice (yeah, I wonder what I named my bass after…) was playing at the Festival VII and we’d worked very hard to achieve what we did there (a mindmelting show, and we came in 16th). And to relaxed I watched myself through four seasons of Supernatural, ha
November heralded Nanowrimo, for which I wrote Signals (and didn’t finish the story, although I reached 50K). Again it wasn’t a very thrilling experience, I am started to wonder if I’m not burnt out on writing or something? Reading back, I do genuinely like my story though (unlike last year, when I only liked the potential of the story), but I really need to plot out the rest before I can finish it. Things that made more of an impression on me in November were the concerts I went to (In Flames, The Prodigy!) and the decision to start getting off my lazy ass and do something about my weight. Olli and I started our Atkins diet again, and we signed up at the gym. While Olli lost shitloads of weight, I hit a wall at 4kg. It seems like last night I was able to break through it, though, let’s see how that continues… I do feel good about the gym thing though, I think we might actually be able to keep this up.

Early Winter: in December we suddenly found ourselves snowed in, we went to the Biffy Clyro concert, exercised our butts off… and suddenly the year is ending. It has gone incredibly fast and there are things that have happened that affected me that I’m not mentioning here, because they’re not mine to mention. (Yes, Lannie learned her lesson!) Don’t think I didn’t think of you this year though. A lot of friends had some shite things happening to them this year, and I’m thinking of you. But now it’s December. And December means reflection and it’s good to look back on everything that happened and the things we want to do for next year. I come out of this year richer, a bit slimmer, with a much better job and with a gorgeous house. Funny how I think that this year has been about stagnation, though… it just feels that way. For next year I would like to focus on getting healthier (like Lie says: my body, my temple), getting better at my job and… well, not very surprising, I am going to bloody well ENJOY myself. Because that’s what we’re all here for after all, right?

And you know what my mom said? “I know just how to cheer you up.”

She dragged the (plastic) Christmas tree from the attic, got all the tinsel and balls and sparklies out of the closet, and she started to decorate the tree, asking me often for my advice and my opinion on what should go where. For the better part of the morning, I forgot all about being sick, and for the rest of the week, I had this sparkly Christmas tree to look at. And while it didn’t cure my what turned out to be Mono, it did make me feel lots better.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this story… the moral of the story is not that Lannie likes the sparklies because I hope by God that you would have figured that out by now. Or that my mom can be really awesome. It was just something that popped into my head while I was decorating our Christmas tree in the kitchen tonight, and it made me smile.

and no, don’t worry, it’s not anyone YOU know, when you read this and worry. But it’s someone I know, and it’s just so real. Saying “I think about you” sound so lame right now.

I love him so much

I totally need to write this shit down before I’ll forget forever, and I don’t want that to happen… even though I’m tired as all hell and I’d rather sleep. But I won’t! I’ll at least try and make a start.

Thursday
…was a good, warm day. Olli and I did some last minute housekeeping and cleaning before Brenda arrived at 3-ish and we waited together for the others while sitting in the garden. The others (Marco, Tijs, Kat and Derek) arrived around 5.30-ish, perfectly on time to leave with the whole group. We were with two cars and Olli had procured walkie-talkies, which made for some very clear communication (in which I acted as TomTom) and some very lame witty comments on the state of things. We didn’t get caught in many trafficjams (a bit of slowness around Rotterdam, but to call it a jam might be going too far), had a bite to eat at the McDonalds at the border to Belgium, and finally arrived at a genuine trafficjam in Dessel. Yeah, the same one as last year. It was a total deja vu there. We got a good parking spot though, got ourselves bracelets, and then went to find a spot at the camping. Ack, that was a hassle! We’d finally found a spot and then when we were already halfway during setting up camp we were told by the stewards we couldn’t stand there, so we had to move again.
Please note that it was getting dark at this point, and sweat was gushing off our bodies in the oppressive heat – even at that point.
But eventually we had our camp standing, we had beer, and all was well with the world. (Even though we heard the news about Michael Jackson, which was weird)

Friday
…started out bright and early. Brenda, Derek and I were up early so we went to see where we could shower. Turned out we needed coins, which we didn’t know where to get. The place that was supposed to sell them didn’t open until 9am and of course WE were there at 8.20am, so that sucked. Eventually we got into the shower by bribing the stewards, and we cheerfully showered and then got in line to the supermarket to get some breakfast. By the time we were at the tentcamp again it was approaching ten, the sun was beating down on us, and we had breakfast in the blistering sun. We decided to check out the festival terrain early, and since the place opened at noon we were among the first few people on the terrain. Looking back at pictures, it was still so lush and fresh!
Because we were so early, we could get settled in the only patch of shade on the terrain, near a tree. Which is exactly where we plunked ourselves down, and where we watched Buckcherry (which wasn’t all that exciting). Firewind was in one of the Marquees and while it was not a bad show, the tent itself felt like a firewind too, so we left quickly. Having seen Dragonforce once before already (and Samael couldn’t really do it for us), we halfway during the show decided that fuckit, it was way too hot… we were going back to the campsite. This meant that we’d miss out on the Gathering… but in the end I wasn’t THAT psyched to see them with their new singer. We hung out at the campsite and boozed it up, and also found out that Killswitch Engage had cancelled, which was a major bummer.
Initially we had wanted to go back for Blind Guardian (Tijs and Derek) and Static X (the others), but we were way too chilled out boozing it up at the campsite, and didn’t go. The only thing we did get up for eventually was Dream Theater, and DAMN am I glad we did! The sound in the Marquee was crystal clear, they played tightly and enticingly, and the wankfests they have a tendency to go on didn’t bore. It was a brilliant show, and it definitely ignited that old love that I used to have for them in… what, 2001 or something? After the show we were all psyched – we had our first good gig at the end of the day, now the festival had REALLY started! So we celebrated by drinking more beer… unsurprisingly.

Saturday
It’s funny how fast things are blurring together already. Saturday we could sleep in a little because the day started very overcast. We were up at 10-ish, I think? I had my shower, and Olli and I went for a hearty breakfast at the 24 hour tent, where they had these huge baguettes and milk. We were a bit later at the festivalsite this time, but managed to find a spot in the shade anyway. From there we watched Black Stone Cherry, which was enjoyable, No Use For A Name (very fun! punky and stuff) and Mastodon from more in front, which were good. By this time the sun was still merrily beating down upon us, and there was beer involved as well, so I might have been slightly inebriated. As were the others. We made lots of silly and fun pictures.
After that, we went to check out Parkway Drive, who had the whole Marquee going like it was no tomorrow, despite the heat. It impressed them as well. “Carrion” was a huge hit – of course. I had a lot of fun at the gig and walked out drenched in sweat, even though the sounddepartment was sorely lacking. They sounded like ass, even though they must have been playing well.
Hatebreed didn’t really interest us that much. I really like two of their songs, but the rest of their music is mostly grinding, and isn’t that melodic or interesting. And after Parkway Drive I was ready to be wiped up anyway, so after a couple more beers we returned to the camping for some well-deserved chilling out and gearing up for Slipknot. Some of the people had an even more well deserved shower, others (like me) just lazed about, chatted, and were relieved to see the sun lose some of its intensity. I have to say though that by this time we were pretty boozed up.

And then it was time for Slipknot. Hooray! Bren and I managed to get pretty much in the front areas, where we rocked out muchly. Corey wasn’t as good voice-wise as I’d heard him before, but their show was great. They played Eyeless pretty quickly, which made my concert – and a lot of other great songs that really got the crowd going. But oh, the end of the concert… their encore consisted of the intensity of Surfacing (which made my concert even more, that song just gets you going) and then, of course, Spit It Out. Should have known, they always do this. And remember the ‘jump the fuck up’ sequence from the Heineken Music Hall gig? There is this moment where Corey asks everyone to sit down, and when he says ‘jump the fuck up’ (it’s part of the song) then everybody will jump. And while that was cool in the HMH, here at Graspop EVERYBODY sat down. EVERYBODY as far as I could see around me, to the back, way to the back. I get goosebumps again just thinking about it. It was so awesome. And then the word came, and everybody jumped and cheered and danced, completely let loose. It was magical, seriously. Audience mood GOD SMACKING.
Brenda and I staggered back to the group, hand in hand, delirious and with shiney eyes. Turned out that Derek and Ol went to the front as well, and they enjoyed it as well… the rest had hung back and weren’t as impressed, but maybe it’s just something you have to understand, Slipknot. I know that Olli, Bren and I understand. And so does Graspop.
Afterwards, I felt wrung out and either hungoverish or slightly sunstroked/dehydrated, so I went to bed immediately. I slept like a baby.

Sunday
started off overcast/misty once again, which made it easy to sleep in till 9.30. I still went for a shower, sticky after the night/day before. It remained somewhat overcast until noon, which was fine with us. We just took it easy at the campsite until we went to the festival terrain at noon-ish. And from there on there was this flurry of concerts I saw. August Burns Red (of which I should really download some stuff, they sounded good. No wonder my Last.fm keeps insisting I would like them), then Scar Symmetry (I’d downloaded some stuff of them earlier, because I knew they are from the same record label as Soilwork and In Flames, so should be good – and they’re pretty interesting… two vocalists!) and then what I’d been waiting so anxiously to cross off my list of Bands I Really Should See One Day: Trivium. And damn, did they rock! They started out somewhat slow and it was hard to stay interested because of the oppressive heat, but halfway down their set they found their stride and began playing more of the Ascendancy album, and from there on it took off. They ended with my personal favourites A Gunshot To The Head Of Trepidation (which is a live favourite), Rain (during which the bassist actually was standing in the middle of a moshpit, PLAYING the song) and my alltime fave, Pull Harder On The Strings Of Your Martyr. By this time, I should say, my undies were completely drenched. With sweat, you dirty minded people! Although that cocky bassist guy was pretty hot Anyway, Trivium was all I hoped they would be and more, and my day was made.
We only had an hour to recover, because then it was time for All That Remains. Which was fun, but hot and sweaty, and the sound quality sucked. The band was more than ready to go home, this was their last gig of their tour – and that was noticeable. I was impressed with Jeanne’s backup vocals next to her basswork though – she gives that chick from Arch Enemy a run for her money. And oh, the singalong at This Calling was glorious. The whole metaldome chorused along, it was very pretty.
We had a quick discussion with the group afterwards whether we wanted to see Disturbed, but most of the group had seen them live already and we were all so wrung out that we went back to the campsite. I had a shower there (second one of the day) and a badly needed change of clothes, Olli had a nap in the shade next to the tent, and we all drank gallons of water and had a few smokes. Disturbed sound really good from the distance; they played all of their hits. After naps and chillage were done and the sun was lowering itself on the horizon, we went back to the festival terrain and sat in the grass watching Nightwish with mild interest (at least, my interest was mild, haha) and having dinner and beer. I like their new singer, her voice is a lot lighter than Tarja’s and easier on the ears.  Then it was time for Children of Bodom, but Olli and I really weren’t in the mood. We wanted some ‘us’ time with the two of us and ended up drinking beer and watching Sick Of It All, which was a shitload of fun. Yay for hardcore punk! It fit our mood much better.
Eventually it was time for the closer of the festival, Marilyn Manson but… it wasn’t interesting at all. After three songs we were bored and we went to the 24 hours tent for beers and chats and quite frankly, we had the best evening of the whole festival. Joking, boozing, taking pictures. We were all pretty tired but I think we all shared the sentiment that if we’d go back to the camping and go to sleep, the festival would be over. And nobody wanted that. Then at some point Brenda reported after a toilet break that they were playing really good music in the Metaldome – they were playing Sabaton, Pantzer Batallion – and we sprinted over there (I kicked over someone’s tray of beer in my hurry *coughs*) but we arrived too late. Thankfully, there was still lots of good music to be had, and we ended up dancing the night away until 4 freaking am. We had a brilliant time. <3
The last song we stuck around for was Slipknot’s Duality, after which we dragged ourselves back to the camping, to bed. And then at 8.30 we got up, broke our tents down, and went home (which went surprisingly smoothly btw!).

And that concluded Graspop. I’m positively blackened with tan now, tired as fuck, happy and recharged for a new life to begin and already wanting to go back if I look at the pictures on my Picasa gallery.

Can I??

I was right to trust in the awesomeness of that day. It was brilliant.

On 24 June 2005 I married my highschool sweetheart Oliver, and so far we’re well on our well to our happy ever after. Can’t believe it’s been four years already.

I love you babe. <3

Mother. Fucker.

*breathes deeply* Thankfully he’s okay and safe in his bed now, and he didn’t break anything or so he says. But he just gave me the scare of a lifetime. I have a late shift, what if he’d NOT been okay? :S

I wanna go home.